


There, I fixed it.

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [76]
Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Ending, Character Death Fix, Crack, Drabble, Fix-It, Humor, Light BDSM, M/M, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-04 04:17:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1076432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All the prophets are doing it...</p><p>Or, that time Kevin was totally badass and not quite so dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There, I fixed it.

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for 9x09 of Supernatural.
> 
> Also, this has references to Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. Which you should read. But If you haven't, Aziraphale is an angel that hangs out with a demon named Crowley who is remarkably like SPN's Crowley.

**Chuck:**  Hello, Kevin.

 **Kevin:**  Chuck? Where am I?

 **Chuck:**  Where all prophets go when they die.

 **Kevin:**  Your living room?

 **Chuck:**  Well, actually, just wherever I am. 'Cause I’m God.

 **Kevin:**  You're God and you can’t get rid of a few empty pizza boxes?

 **Chuck:**  Oh, whatever. You wanna hear about the afterlife?

 **Kevin:**  Um, sure?

 **Chuck:**  Well, for most people it’s just reliving stuff, but we’re prophets, so we get to do rewrites.

 **Kevin:**  Rewrites?

 **Chuck:**  Yeah! For instance, what you just lived was actually my third or fourth draft of the whole ‘Metatron returns’ plot. Wanna see?

 **Kevin:**  Do I have a choice?

 **Chuck:**  Nope!

*a swirly transition to…*

 **Megatron:**  I know who you really are. And it isn’t Ezekiel.

 **He-who-must-not-be-called-Ezekiel:**  You aren’t gonna insist on calling me Helo, are you? 'Cause that’s getting old.

 **Megatron:**  Relax. I’m not here to out you.

 ** **He-who-must-not-be-called-Ezekiel** :** Like there’s any need. I’ve been out and proud for centuries.

 **Megatron:**  I mean your name, dumbass. I am curious, though. Why Ezekiel?

 ** **He-who-must-not-be-called-Ezekiel** :** Um. Did you meet Ezekiel? Super hottie. Lemme tell you.  And so tall….

 **Megatron:**  Everything they say you are not.

 ** **He-who-must-not-be-called-Ezekiel** :** Dude! That hurts. I am super hot. And right now I'm pretty freakin' tall….

 **Megatron:**  I see your point…Gabriel.

 **Gabriel:**  Damn straight. Now. What do you want?

 **Megatron:**  Well, I had this whole evil world domination plan thing that involved you killing off everybody’s favorite characters starting with Kevin Tran.

 **Gabriel:**  Psh, good luck with that.

 **Megatron:**  But I knew you’d never go for it. So I figured I’d show up anyway. As my presence is known to spoil the fun.

 **Gabriel:**  True. So, leave now?

 **Megtron:**  Sure. Bye.

 **Gabriel:**  Ah. Now to go masturbate while going through Sammy’s fantasies. I love this kid’s brain.

*fade back to…*

 **Kevin:**  That would have been much better!

 **Chuck:**  I guess. But the plot was pretty stupid. Plus, I wrote a better way for Gabriel to come back next week.

 **Kevin:**  Yeah, but this way I wouldn’t have died!

 **Chuck:**  I suppose. But think of the storytelling! I did like the name 'Gabriel' though. I ended up going back to a variation of it for the final draft.

 **Kevin:**  Plus, it messes with the fangirls.

 **Chuck:**  Exactly. Anyway, I wanted Metatron to have more of an arc, so I needed a less powerful angel.

 **Kevin:**  Fine. So show me the next draft?

*fade to…*

 **Megatron:**  …That’s why he chose you to protect the garden. Your one task was to keep evil from entering. From befouling his cherished creation, mankind.

 ** **He-who-must-not-be-called-Ezekiel** :** First, it was just the eastern gate. Second, Jesus, drama queen much?

 **Megatron:**  Well, for whatever reason, the serpent entered.

 ** **He-who-must-not-be-called-Ezekiel** :** Yeah. That reason was he is super hot. And sassy.

 **Megatron:**  The earth is cursed with evil!

 ** **He-who-must-not-be-called-Ezekiel** :** Yeah. Hot, sassy evil. And what is evil anyway?

 **Crowley:**  You know that’s right. Hey Aziraphale! Thanks for getting Kevin to spring me!

 **Aziraphale:**  No problem. I like that kid. Definitely one I would never kill off.

 **Crowley:**  So true! He’s got so much spunk! Threesome?

 **Aziraphale:**  Definitely. Gotta use this awesome vessel while I can.

 **Megatron:**  *Ahem*

 **Aziraphale:**  What is it you want from me, Megatron?

 **Megatron:** It's Metatron! 

 **Aziraphale:** Yeah? Now you know how annoyed I was to be called Helo all the time.

 ** ~~Megatron~~  Metatron:** Anyway, I just wanted to be your friend! Well, originally. Then take over the world. But now I’m--are you touching his…?

 **Aziraphale:**  Yup. It’s been a while. Demon's got needs!

 **Crowley:**  You bet we do. You may be an angel, but no one else can do that thing with their...

*fade out*

 **Kevin:**  I liked that version! Nice and morally ambiguous! Crowley makes a great Big Bad! Plus, I’d get to live….

 **Chuck:**  I totally agree. Unfortunately, I had some copyright issues.

 **Kevin:**  Damn it. So I had to die?

 **Chuck:**  Nah. I just threw that in at the end for shock value. Plus, it gets kinda boring doing this all alone. Thought you’d like a break from all the stupid hunter drama. Now we get to just watch it, and we can order pizza whenever we get hungry.

 **Kevin:**  Sounds good to me. Oh, could I maybe just edit one of your scenes? Just a bit. I promise it won’t change the overarching plot.

 **Chuck:**  Sure.

*fade to…*

 **Cas:**  It is so good being together again! You know this is my first beer being a human.

 **Dean:**  No it’s not. You're just a lightweight.

 **Cas:** Whatever. I hope it’s okay, me joining you?

 **Sam:**  Why wouldn’t it be okay? We’ve been having threesomes for, like, five seasons. At least.

 **Dean:**  Cas, you sure you’re ready to jump back into all this?

 **Cas:**  Yes, of course, Dean. Obviously. Threesome! As much as April was…

 **Dean:**  She was hot.

 **Cas:**  Very hot. And nice. Up to the point she started torturing me. Then she was super-mega-foxy-awesome hot.

 **Dean:**  Yeah. Girl would have looked nice with a cat-o-nine-tails...

**Author's Note:**

> If you want updates as they happen, follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores).
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Any pairing, or any trope!


End file.
